If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
