And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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