youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
