Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
