if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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