When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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