Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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