I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize