You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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