Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
