i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
