I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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