Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
