does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
