I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
