I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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