I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
even my farts smell like vagina
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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