How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
