i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
