Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize