What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
