He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
