Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
