is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize