I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
