I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
