cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
