my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
