I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
