I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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