Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize