Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
