Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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