I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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