yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
BRING THE BAGELS
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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