So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
