I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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