once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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