addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
