If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
