literally had 100 drinks last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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