Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
