I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
