you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize