Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
