before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
