its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
