Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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