I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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