the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
