you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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