So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
