Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
