Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
last night I used snow as a chaser
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
