And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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