Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
