I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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