You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
