I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
