Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
