why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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