You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
