The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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