his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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