Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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