tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
